All relationships face difficulties. There are always challenges that we must overcome. Always, these challenges can be overcome together, but it needs both partners to agree that a) there is a solution and that b) this is a problem that is worth defeating.
When you are constantly ignored by your husband, it’s very hard to overcome the problem with him. You already feel as though he’s neglecting you and doesn’t care anymore, and so building up the courage to let him know your feelings and ask how him you can both work through this together isn’t easy. All you want from him is some love, care and attention – just like he used to give you when you first got together. All women want from their husband are those three things more than anything else. We want our husband to love us, to show that he cares for us, and to give us the attention we want, need and deserve. We don’t want to have to fight with the NBA game for his attention. If you’ve been feeling neglected by your husband recently, here is what you can do to improve the situation:
Think About Your Own Approach
The problem is very much his. We know that. But if we’re ever going to solve any problems in a relationship, we must also look at ourselves to see what we could be doing differently. Take a look at your own approach here. Think about what you’re saying to your husband, as well as how you’re saying it. Do you have a tendency to talk about negative things, or are you more of an upbeat person?
Also, when do you approach him? Is he usually busy? Has he just got back from work? Is it fairly late and he’s tired? There can be many reasons why a husband is neglecting his wife somewhat, and it doesn’t always mean that he’s fallen out of love. Consider your own approach and think about what you could be doing differently. For example, you might want to try and catch him when it’s the weekend and he’s off work. If he’s in a good mood, it might be the best time to get his attention and talk about the things that are important to you.
Ask The Right Questions
Maybe you’ve already asked him why he’s ignoring you. But “why are you ignoring me?” is a problem question that inflames the situation. How? Because it first of all acknowledges that he is ignoring you, and casts him in a bad light. He won’t be comfortable with this at all, and will get defensive. “I’m not ignoring you!” he might exclaim, before storming off, leaving you feeling bad. Instead, you need to ask a different kind of question that doesn’t paint him as the villain. Try asking him “what could we do to talk more?” This is a good question because it opens up possibilities. Maybe he’ll suggest that you guys to to a game together. You could suggest a meal. Maybe he’ll suggest that he stops working late so much. Asking the right questions is how we succeed at anything in life, including our relationships. By asking the right questions, you can spark discussions and remind him that, hey, you’re here and you deserve more attention from him.
Don’t Provoke Him
People can get snappy when they’re already stressed. If your husband seems stressed and in a bad mood already, the last thing you should do is provoke him so that the situation becomes even worse. Provoking him will create an even bigger bride between the two of you, and drive you further apart than you are right now. Whenever it seems as though he’s moody, refrain from provoking him. Don’t add more stress to the situation. Back off and wait until he’s simmered down a touch.
Listen To Him
This probably sounds counter-productive, and maybe you’re tearing your hair out at your screen. “WHAT?! I always listen to him! He’s the one who isn’t listening!! WHAT?!” Key to a strong relationship is communication, and at the heart of communication is active listening. You might lend your husband an ear, while you fiddle about on your phone. But are you really listening to what he’s saying? Listen to him properly. Put your phone aside and give him your full attention. Ask him questions related to what he’s just said to you. If you listen to him carefully, he will eventually reciprocate the favour. Sometimes, your husband is just waiting for you to lead by example. If he loves and cares for you, he will follow.
When we sense that our husband has switched off from a conversation and is no longer listening to us, it’s very tempting to get frustrated and start yelling. “You never listen to me anymore!” This might make him feel a bit guilty. More likely, however, is that he’ll get defensive and accuse you of never listening to him, or of always blowing things way out of proportion. When you sense that you’ve lost his attention, it’s a much better idea to remember what you love about your husband. How great is he? What do you respect about him? Reminding yourself about your love for him will help to calm you down. You can then continue talking to him in a calm, positive way that will encourage him to respond.
Again, we’re not pinning the blame on you here. But sometimes when a husband starts to ignore his wife, it can be because she has been to vague about things. For example, let’s say you wanted him to do the vacuuming before you got home from work but he didn’t do it. Did you tell him directly that you really wanted him to vacuum? Or were you too vague, giving him the impression that it was coolio if he didn’t vacuum? You need to be direct and focused about what you want. Be assertive. Otherwise, your passiveness could be causing misunderstandings that are making it feel as though you’re being neglected. And even if this is not the cause of the problems, being more assertive will certainly improve things.