While it’s true that when you start dating someone there’s no way to know how things will work out in the long run. But if you’re an (idiotic) optimist like me, if you really like the person, you immediately start picturing your life with them, whether you want to or not.
It’s almost impossible to start dating and not be wearing some Frenchified rose colored glasses.
You’re in love! Or at least, deeply in like, and all of your parts become attracted to all of their parts. While there’s no way of knowing how the relationship will go, there are some definite red flags that show up if you’re headed for heartbreak.
It can be hard to see them (however obvious they might be) when you’re dating someone new and in that first butterfly stage. But go around the block a few times (get it, girl!) and you’ll start to spot the same old signs that always seem to lead to unnecessary heartbreak.
If you are with a man who does any of these 12 things, be careful! There’s a good chance he’ll break your heart.
1. He won’t call you his girlfriend.
If he doesn’t refer to you as his girlfriend, you aren’t his girlfriend, and you never will be. It’s just that simple.
2. He won’t meet your family.
You know why he won’t meet your family? Because your dad will be shaking his hand and saying hello and what dude will be hearing is “So, you’re the young man who is sport-f*cking my daughter. Greetings, monster.”
He knows he ain’t in it to win it, he doesn’t want to put himself (or you) through that.
3. He won’t make plans.
You’re the plan maker. Always. And even when you say “let’s hangout on Saturday”, you might not hear from him until say 10:30 that evening.
Why? Because you aren’t a priority in his life.
4. He tells you he’s not ready for a relationship.
If a guy tells you he isn’t ready for a relationship … BELIEVE HIM! If a guy tells you he’s bad news … BELIEVE HIM! In fact, if a dude is quick to tell you all of his failings as boyfriend material, believe him there too.
You’re literally hearing it from the emotionally unavailable horse’s mouth.
5. He’s still in touch with his exes.
There’s the guy who is still polite to his exes, and there’s the guy who would run and jump right back into her panties should she snap her ludicrously French manicured fingers.
Use your best discretion.
6. He’s a fantasist.
He might not call you his girlfriend, but it’s April and he’s talking about what you’ll do for Christmas. DO NOT BE FOOLED BY HIS WEB OF LIES.
He is trying to throw you off the scent so that you will keep having sex with him.
7. He hides his phone.
I mean yes, that is a clear red flag. I’d also add, if he’s on his phone all the effing time, you’re also in trouble. You know what will be there no matter how he treats it? Twitter. You are better than Twitter.
I know, I know, it’s a lot to process but it’s true: You. Are. Better. Than. Twitter.
8. He’s hard to talk to.
I dated a guy for six months. I was in love with him by the end. But when it came to my feelings, our sex life, the weather, I never felt 100% comfortable opening up to him.
That’s a sign I (and everyone else) should watch out for.
9. He gaslights you.
I cannot with this. If you think something’s wrong, and you ask him if something’s wrong and his response is “you’re crazy”, get the hell out of there. The only acceptable answer to your question is “Yeah, there is, let’s talk,” or “No, I’m OK, are you OK?”
Do not EVER let a man make you think your feelings or concerns are hysterical or crazy.
10. He’s still dating someone else.
I am a very smart woman. I dated a man seriously who was still living with AND dating his girlfriend of 10 years. That is a stupid thing for a smart woman to do, but it happens, because genitals get tingly and somebody made you a good playlist.
Don’t beat yourself up, but do end it.
11. He’s just moved to your state.
He is not ready. He’ll probably tell you he’s not ready. You’ll try to be a low-impact casual girlfriend, which will be fine until you fall for him and he can’t make that leap.
This is another case of listening when he talks to avoid internal combustion.
12. He has a messed up relationship with his dad
Hot take, I know! Every bad relationship I have ever been in the dude has had an awful dynamic with his dad. RUN. RUN.
Girl, this is a horror movie and you screaming and running upstairs is not the correct choice. Run OUT of the house, get in your car, and drive into the night.