The wedding night is a special occasion for every married couple.
For many of us, the wedding night comes with it a lot of expectations about what should happen and how it should unfold.
Men and women have different expectations and different notions of what constitutes a perfect wedding night and these differences will continue to show up for the rest of their married life.
"A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences." Dave Meurer.
Drawing on this insight, I have put together 5 mistakes couples should avoid making on their wedding night to make sure they start their marriage on the right foot!
1. Don’t go in expecting sex
For most women, the wedding day is the culmination of a marathon that can leave them exhausted. It’s also an emotionally draining experience.
Men have it easy! After all, they don’t have to go through the trauma of selecting a well-fitting bridal wear!
Jokes apart, it’s a long road to marriage for the husband and wife and it is likely you are both too tired to create magic between the sheets like champs.
It’s perfectly OK not to have sex and instead use the wedding night to reconnect, cuddle, and fall asleep.
2. Stop thinking about your body
Don’t obsess about your body as you approach your wedding. Maybe you want to fit into the bridal dress you always dreamed about or maybe you want to be “just perfect” for your husband on the wedding night. Whatever be the reason, your best approach would be to let it go!
Let’s face it, obsessing about body only heightens anxiety that can ruin one of the best days of your life. And in case you do end up getting intimate on the wedding night, you will not have fun if you are too self-conscious.
3. Don’t be caught unprepared
There are a million things that can go wrong on the wedding day or the wedding night. You could develop an allergy, get a major headache, suffer from indigestion, or forget to take your prescription pills. You may also end up with an unplanned pregnancy if you are not prepared.
Remember to put together a kit with all the “emergency” medications and supplies that you can easily access on your wedding night. Put one of your relatives or friends in charge of ensuring you have everything you need.
4. Avoid negative feedback
It is scientifically proven that positive thoughts, words and actions can help you create a bond with your spouse. Treat your spouse like he can do no wrong on your wedding day.
In a survey of 470 couples to study compatibility, psychologist Marcel Zentner, Ph.D., of the University of Geneva, found no particular combination of personality traits that leads to sustained romance — with one exception: the ability to sustain your “positive illusions.”
Why not avoid mentioning all the incidents that portray your spouse or her relatives/friends in poor light? As long as they have not committed a murder on your wedding day and you two are now happily married, keep your thoughts positive and make sure you have only good things to say.
5. Don’t forget to create memories
Whirlwind wedding festivities, the emotional highs, butterflies in your stomach, and in some instances, an abnormal dose of wine, can make you lose sight of the fact that the day belongs only to you and your spouse.
While the wedding photographer and guests will record your every step, your wedding videos and album will be locked away in your bedroom for an occasional dekko.
However, you can certainly make some lasting memories together that will remind you of why you are married to your spouse and probably help you ride out the relationship storms.
Here are some ideas to create some memories of the wedding day and wedding night.
- Plant a tree on the day of your wedding. The tree will become a reservoir of memories. You can even carve some messages on it as it grows big.
- Write a secret message on a piece of paper separately and put the paper pieces in a bottle. Open the bottle 10 years later and read each other’s messages. Make sure you put a date on the bottle to remind you.
- Frame your wedding invitation cards and any other memorable wedding-related cards and hang them in your bedroom. Start creating a memory wall as you cross more milestones together.
Remember, the wedding night is the first night you start putting your spouse’s interests ahead of yours.
As long as the couple develop an ability to empathise with each other and there is broad-based compatibility they will have a long and happy married life.